What are words worth?

Let’s start and end this in the wise words of Charlie Kaufman: “I don’t know anything”. I think this should be imprinted on to everybody’s foreheads (or tattooed would probably be more fitting, considering it’s 2020). I once thought I was half-passionate about writing, so I’m giving writing another go and maybe it will start to grow on me like it once did (unless you’re reading this in 2022 and I haven’t posted since).

I once had a blog called Kofferbaque for which I frantically wrote very short and long reviews about bands, record stores and the likes. This whole endeavor only ‘worked out’ because I had somebody who cooperated with me, who at the time, was much more popular than I was (those idiotic high-school days). I personally didn’t care that much for popularity, because that was ironically also not the music that was being dumped onto that blog, but it was useful in gathering reading eyes. Sometimes I still Google for that word; ‘Kofferbaque’; to see if anybody else has been Google’ing it. I guess I’m probably the only one cranking that statistic.

The reason why I want to restart writing is because it has always helped me in one way or the other. I am not much of a talker because in a spontaneous moment, the right words never really come to me. I’m one of those people that will engage in a conversation only to figure out three days later that what I should’ve actually said was ‘X’. Maybe if I read this back a year from now I probably want to correct something (and I probably will). You can’t strike as much thought into what you’re saying as opposed to when you are writing. This all sounds like horrible Tumblr teen girl garbage, but maybe there’s some truth in these statements, however skewed they might be. From now on I’ll probably just answer every complicated question by saying: ‘X’.

Another reason to restart writing is because of the way I feel about online presence, ownership and identity. I believe going back a little in time, to the blogger-age, might be helpful to me. My friends, family, other associates are all very active on social media websites. I know why and if I ask them about it, they’ll mostly say something along the lines of: “‘social media platform X’ is a piece of shit, but I’m only on it because my other friend is on it”. I’m not going to rattle on about why you should quit and how it’s bad for you. I mean, I like to drink from time to time, which is also not the most healthy thing on the planet. The small thing I do like to say about it is that nothing posted on any social media platform is actually yours. You are theirs.

I have a very limited presence on social media platforms. I’m a little bit active on Reddit (of which I won’t share the account) and other websites you can see in the ‘about’ section of this website. This is all there is of me online; a very limited tiny, controlled amount. This brings me to this website. This website is mine and I can write whatever I like. You, as the reader, can read about it and think whatever you want about this text. You can post it on Twitter or Facebook and say how dumb it is and that you hate the pretentious bastard that actually took the time to write all of this out. I won’t read your criticisms, unless you take the time to actually email me about it and then I will. That would be fun.

The keyword in the last bit of text is ‘control’; I like to be in control of what I write, how I write, when I write and how much I write. If I want to write 60 page essays on a movie I enjoyed watching, analyze the deeper meaning behind cauliflowers or write about some awkard code snippet and why I love it, I can do that. That’s also why this is called ‘scribbles’. To actually call this a ‘post’ implies that there’s some regular format to it or a regularity in when I will post. You can’t like or heart a scribble or comment on it, because I won’t implement it. If you would like to share this you can do it through an ancient technique called: copy/paste. Just click or tap on the address bar in the browser and copy the link, paste it to nobody. You can write me a comment through email. This is the way I like it.

You can see all these scribbles as words a person would normally throw in the shedder, but instead it’s simply thrown onto a webpage on the internet for somebody to read. The only purpose is to help my writing and nothing else.

I don’t know anything.

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Published on: Sep 04, 2020 by Gerard - list of changes